A Perfect Summary of the Year So Far

At one of my writers’ groups last night, member Jeanne Edmonds shared this piece with us. It’s a perfect example of pacing–a semi-stream of consciousness flow driving the piece. Plus it neatly wraps up the year so far. So I thought I’d share it with you.

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Treatise on Football Bowl Games

There are thirty-five bowl games that end the 2013 season. Actually, twelve of those are in 2014. Leonard, the football nut, pointed that out. Who cares? Anyway, he said it was all about money, the big bucks. One game, the BCS, that means Bowl Championship Series, is for all the marbles, as they say, and winning means being the best college team in the country, after everybody plays all those games and beats each other up, broken legs, concussions, etc., with coaches then fired because they lost too many games, which I don’t understand because they didn’t play one second, just stood around with mean looks on their faces and screamed and cussed and spit. Well, back to the games. In the Sugar Bowl, I love that name, it’s so sweet, ha, ha, Oklahoma plays the ex-number one team in the country, Alabama, who lost one dumb game in the last minute to Auburn, who also lost one dumb game but came out ranked better. Go figure. My sister loves Oklahoma because she lives there. Mercy, she was born in Texas! So she wants “her boys” to whip the Crimson Tide. Leonard says “no way” and Oklahoma ought to just forfeit and go back to Norman. Then Texas is playing Oregon in the Alamo Bowl, where else? Gosh, Texas has an 8-4 record, big deal, but Leonard says they needed a Texas team to play there and they have a big steer following, you know, that ‘Hook ‘em Horns’ thing with the fingers stuck out. And Texas Tech meets Arizona State in the Holiday Bowl, that makes sense, and between them they have eight loses! I guess that bowl was hard up. Mr. Football, that Texas A&M player who is rich and wild, will be running around in the Chick-fil-A bowl game. I told Leonard I was going to call a bunch of those games the “Geography Bowls”—the New Mexico, the Las Vegas, New Orleans, Hawaii, Texas, Heart of Dallas, in Dallas, of course. Now get this, there come the food bowls! We have the Potato Bowl—fried? mashed? baked? who knows?—and the Orange Bowl, my favorite the Buffalo Wild Wings Bowl, Little Caesars, I like pepperoni and olives, the Gator (yeah, people eat that, ugh!) and does the Fight Hunger bowl count? Don’t forget the flowers—the really big one with the parade and the floats that go on forever for over a hundred years, not the parade. I mean the tradition, of course. That’s the Rose Bowl, and there’s the Poinsettia Bowl. And does the Cotton Bowl qualify? It’s fluffy and grows on a stem, doesn’t it? We must add the bank bowls, those bastions of integrity, like money bins, Capital One and BBVA Compass. How could they miss the chance to show all those commercials, so people will forget how they got robbed and mortgages went underwater? Gee, I left out Pinstripe and Russell Athletic and Musk City and Sun and Liberty and Outback and Fiesta and GoDaddy.com and Armed Force and . . . I’m tired of this. I don’t even want to watch the games and all those silly players crawling around and knocking each other down in piles and trying to catch the ball and dropping it. The bands are good and the marching. Leonard can sit all day and all night, while he drinks beer and eats chips and yells at the T.V. I’m going to read a good book.

Bob Stoops

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9 thoughts on “A Perfect Summary of the Year So Far

  1. I have been offered a contract by ESPN to announce both college and pro football games! I have been offered a much larger contract (by several million dollars) from the general public to NOT do so!

  2. What about the Buckeyes and Marching bands?! Why don’t they have a bowl game to show off who has the best half time show!

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